Life's Funny

It's so funny that as I sit there paralyzed, worried that I am going to do something that takes apart my world, it splits apart before my eyes. Imploding from the inside out, everything that used to be me, collapses into fine shards of broken glass. It's not haha funny, of course, but funny, strange. You know what? It's not even strange. Just sad. Just cruel.

And after this long, there is no hope of getting unbroken. None. Eggshell everywhere. Like Humpty Dumpty.

* * *

Held down underwater in the town pool. No one else is there, and the water's cold. I stretch out my arms and legs, to get away, to surface, to live. But everywhichway I swim, I push myself deeper down. How is this possible?!? What to do, but laugh? But underwater, it doesn't even sound like laughter. And at any rate, why am I even laughing? None of it is funny. Not to mention that it makes it harder to breathe.

* * *

How is this fair?

"Life isn't fair." That's what my Mom always used to tell me. But I know she didn't mean like this. She couldn't have.

No fair.