Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Lost Dreams: Chapter 9 (Cold Hard Reality)

Caleb took the steps, two at a time, and ran into the kitchen.  Bernard sat at the kitchen table, the paper folded in front of him. He was still in his bathrobe, his hair mussed, and in dire need of a shave.  He looked up: "G'morning kiddo."

"Hey Dad," said Caleb, still uncertain, looking around.

"Dad. Where is Mom?"

Bernard sighed.  "C'mon. Again Cay?"  "I don't know where she is; you know she's moved around so much since she left us.  I haven't heard from her in a long time.  You know that."

"I miss her Dad."

"Me too, Cay.  But we're doing okay, aren't we?  Cook you some eggs?"

He realized.  He remembered what he had buried and shoved away.  His Mom had left; left Bernard and left him. And Amanda. She had told him, it wasn't him - it was that she and dad had fallen out of love. Those words were hanging out there in front of him, but he couldn't process them.  She kissed him on the forehead.  She was sobbing.  He was numb.

"OK. Yeah. Eggs sound good Dad."

Amanda. She was gone too. But not in his dream. For real.

He closed his eyes, to try and seal in the tears. His eyes were wet. She had run into the street to wave goodbye as he drove away.  He was going to see some movie, and he was sitting in the backseat of the car, turned around and waved - "she's such a goofball." From the other direction, the speeding car, swerving around the corner and onto his block. It was all in slow motion. The dull thud of her body against it.  The screech of brakes. The blood. Her blood. He ran from the car, and he was kneeling before her, as the light went out of her eyes. Caleb heard himself screaming.

And then he blanked out.

"Caleb?  Caleb?  Eggs are up," said Bernard, pushing the plate over to his son.

Caleb was staring off, frozen by his memories.

Bernard reached over and took Caleb's face in his hands, and then wrapped his arms around him. "Its alright." Caleb's body loosened, giving in to the hug. He began sobbing, his body shaking.

"Caleb.  It's going to be OK."

At that moment Caleb felt very alone. He looked at his father's kind eyes. He looked so tired.  Caleb squeezed his father, tightly. "I know, Dad.  I know it will be."

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